


The Comet Wins

by dorkatron_3000



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I just really love pierre, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha thinks about everything, Oneshot, Suicide mention, but also pierre, like she doesnt even know it but she loves him, natasha is starting to get her shit togher, shes kinda depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkatron_3000/pseuds/dorkatron_3000
Summary: Natasha can't help but think about everything that has happened to her and what she has done to others.





	The Comet Wins

**Author's Note:**

> Natasha thinks about the last few days after Pierre visits her

Natasha wasn’t quite sure how everything had happened. It was all so fast, and in hindsight, so foolish. She should have never allowed Anatole to enter her life. It was a poor decision made by her foolhardiness and lonely despair. Natasha was pathetic. Seduced by a known scoundrel while betrothed. Disgusting. And to think, she had been so blind to her phoney lover’s selfish ways. Anatole had never truly loved her. That was clear to Natasha now.

His letters (if they even were his; she had heard whispers that Anatole had a friend compose them) were filled with desperate pleas of ‘I will love you or die,’ and ‘just say yes.’ No one truly in love would say such things. Someone in love would say, ‘I will love you always, with all of my heart’ or ‘this is your decision, of course, but please know I couldn’t possibly love you with more passion.’

Love is poetic, something that sings in your heart that makes you smile with tenderness and joy. Love comes in time, growing and growing until you can barely think of a time when you had not loved. Lust is empty. It comes on fast and without hesitation and leaves in the same fashion. Anatole's words were lusty and consuming. How could she not have seen it?

And how could she have expected more from a man with _his_ reputation. Natasha knew she was beautiful and young and a thrill. Chasing a young betrothed girl must have been a spot of fun, Natasha decided. And to figure out after all was over that Anatole was married? The final straw. Until then, Natasha still believed her beloved was coming for her. Everything changed in a second. She realized her love was ending. She realized she might have never loved Anatole at all.

Oh, how could she have not seen that she was lusting after Anatole? Of course, Natasha had never felt such a feeling before, not at such intensity. This was no pithy excuse, just another sign that it might not have been love. When she saw Anatole, she flushed, similarly to how she did when she was younger and pining over Andrey, but also quite different. This flushing was one of desire, not of embarrassment or admiration. Her fingers ached to run through his hair. Her lips begged to press against Anatole's. Her whole body _yearned_.

If Natasha was to moon over anyone though, Anatole had been an obvious choice. He was handsome and charming. He moved with a swagger that, on anyone else, would have looked ridiculous, but only added to his own good looks. His smirk, god his smirk! It was charming and predatory and made Natasha feel like the only woman in the world. Somehow, Anatole had convinced her that this… toxic thing was love.

Natasha wondered, then, if she had ever loved Andrey. The thought frightened her, but it needed to be explored. She was young and rash and inexperienced. Could she have completely been in love, or was it infatuation? The more Natasha thought about this, the more she leaned towards the hopeless category of first love. With so little knowledge of the world and herself, Natasha’s relationship with Andrey was doomed from the start. If the affair had not come along, then she would have entered a marriage that would eventually become an incredibly unhappy one, like Hélène and Pierre’s.

That would have been her fate if she had just been satisfied for five more days after she entered Moscow. A loveless marriage with beautiful children. What she had gotten was a three-day affair, which was thrilling, heart-breaking, and eye-opening all at the same time.

Natasha wasn’t sure which she would have rather had in the end. 

A sudden wave of pain hit the girl, doubling her over on the soft bed of which she resided. The pain was a voice telling her of the fact that she had been so saddened by Anatole being married that she had attempted to kill herself. Luckily, she had immediately regretted the decision and told Sonya. To think of what could have happened if Sonya had been angry at Natasha still… She was still angry with Sonya, to a degree. If Anatole didn’t love her, Natasha should have had to figure it out on her own, suffer because of her own mistakes, and not have to think for the rest of her life what would have happened if the abduction succeeded?

But she would have to deal with that now. What would have- Natasha’s thought process was put to a stop as another bout of pain to her abdomen freezed her for a moment. This reminded Natasha that she was, in fact, in the physical world, not some imaginary, contemplative existence. Wow, this must be how Pierre feels night after night.

Oh, dear Pierre. He had brought Natasha back from the thought that she would be alone forever. He was so sweet, and kind, and just the thought of him brought a smile to Natasha’s face. She was somewhat bewildered that such a shy man could have brought so much emotion to just a few sentences. Natasha admired Pierre with earnest. He had so many of his own problems, and would have to face consequences of what she had done, yet looked at her with empathy and kindness. Natasha had refused the man’s best friend, attempted to run off with his brother-in-law, and intended to leave Marya D, an old friend of Pierre’s, forever. Somehow, he pushed this aside and managed to love Natasha. He had saved her, of this Natasha was sure. 

When she had seen that the Great Comet passed over Moscow, said to have brought untold horrors and the end of world, she saw a new beginning. She saw this as a sign that what Pierre said meant something, that she was capable of being loved. She saw this as a sign that Pierre was a good man, capable of moving past his own regret. She saw this as sign that she would be able to move on in her life.

Suddenly tired, Natasha decided to sleep. She laid her head down on her downy pillow and blew out the candle. The darkness was comforting, despite the cold. She had expected to cry herself to sleep tonight. She did not. Her lips curved up as she drifted away.. Her last thought before she faded into an inevitable nightmare, was of Pierre and his sincere smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Ummm so was it good? I haven't written any fanfiction before so i have no idea. Feedback? I don't have a beta so if there are any mistakes please tell me! I live off comments and kudos


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